“Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert. The beast of the field will honor Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise." Isaiah 43:18-21 (NKJV)
It's 10:30 and the boys haven't even eaten breakfast yet.
Yesterday I was so stressed out I wanted to call it quits and send the boys to public school.
I went back to sleep around 7:45 this morning thinking that I was so grouchy and overwhelmed yesterday because I'd been waking up too early in the morning.
Dealing with loud energetic boys day in and day is a lot to handle sometimes, especially when homeschooling. I expect them to sit still during a lesson and its just not happening. I expect them to not interrupt me. I expect them to not roll around the floor. I expect them to act like they're at "school."
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| My silly boys playing telephone in the Walmart basket :)
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I desperately need a new thing. I've been in a fog spiritually for too long. I remember the former things and I wish I could be back there; back when I was free to worship without the extra cares of marriage and family life.
(I'm just being transparent here.)
Wow, you're still reading after all that pity party up there?
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,And He who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by your name;You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,Nor shall the flame scorch you.Isaiah 43:1-2 (NKJV)
My husband and boys are my heart. I love my family and its the greatest place for God to reveal just how selfish I am. Homeschooling has magnified my character flaws and reminded me of just how much I need to rely on God to bring waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. And I desperately...desperately need a drink of that living water.
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| Taken off of a pier in Cape Canaveral Florida |
One day back in April, I attended our usual church service. My mom and aunt were visiting that weekend and they came with me. My husband had to work and couldn't make it. The spirit of God hit my soul like a brick that day as our pastor preached on the Holy Spirit. I was trying to contain my emotion the entire service. (
I just don't get down like that in front of my family. It's something I hate and need to overcome one day.) I remember at the end of service, my mom standing up for the altar call for those who knew they needed Jesus.
What a beautiful moment.
The pastor was talking about being filled with the Spirit. Meanwhile, I had been running on empty. And because of disappointments, hurts, etc., I didn't have the energy to do anything different. As our pastor very recently put it, "I'd been content to camp out in the valley." In fact, I felt entitled to it.
I was ashamed of what I had let my spiritual life become, but even more than that, I
longed for the intimacy I had once had with my heavenly Father.
Five months have passed since then. And it wasn't until recently that things have slightly changed. I guess I'd been waiting for God to rescue me like He's done
so many times in the past. I'm not being
pulled out of this place but I certainly don't want to camp out here anymore.
For I will pour water on him who is thirsty,
And floods on the dry ground;
I will pour My Spirit on your descendants,
And My blessing on your offspring;
Isaiah 44:3 (NKJV)
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| Phillip after a hot day at the park |
So, I started
seeking the Lord. I mean, really
seeking (or, the best way I know how to, anyway). I tried fasting last week and it only seemed to bring out the worst in me; although I know that physically, the Lord definitely sustained me. That's ok. I am even more aware of just how much I need Jesus. I might make it a regular thing from here on out.
“But you, Israel, are My servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, The descendants of Abraham My friend. You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from its farthest regions, And said to you,‘You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away:"Isaiah 41:8-9 (NKJV)
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| Satellite Beach, FL Sunrise |
Our pastor started a new series a few weeks ago called
RE:VIVE. Boy, isn't that just what I need.
“Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wildernessAnd rivers in the desert....I give waters in the wilderness And rivers in the desert, To give drink to My people, My chosen. Isaiah 43:18-20 (NKJV)
Just reading those words was like revival to my soul. Will I believe that God
WILL revive me; that He won't throw me away because He was the one Who called me out of darkness and into His light. Will I believe that He
alone IS the Lord and He accomplishes the work He begins until it is completed; that He
WILL do a new thing and I don't have to keep longing for what I once had?
“You are My witnesses,” says the Lord,“And My servant whom I have chosen,That you may know and believe Me,And understand that I am He.Before Me there was no God formed,Nor shall there be after Me.11 I, even I, am the Lord,And besides Me there is no savior. I have declared and saved,I have proclaimed,And there was no foreign god among you;Therefore you are My witnesses,”Says the Lord, “that I am God.13 Indeed before the day was, I am He;And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand;I work, and who will reverse it?”Isaiah 43:10-13 (NKJV)
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21 (NKJV)
Yes, I will.
.JPG)
