Contentment and My Birthday

Tomorrow's my birthday; I will be 32. I remember when my sister was turning 32 and thinking she was getting old. Back then I was 25, very young, very naive.

Photo of me and my future husband taken 7 years ago

Last night was a restless one for me. I couldn't turn my brain off. For weeks, maybe months, I've been wrestling with where I am spiritually, physically, professionally, socially...not happy in any aspect. My marriage seemed rocky, I yell at the kids, I have no close friends, and very recently, some photographer on Facebook told me to "put down my camera forever," (granted, I wouldn't normally pay any mind to that type of foolishness, but in an already vulnerable state, I admit I let it get under my skin).

 If you've read any of my former blog posts, you'll maybe know where I am spiritually. Bottom line is I'm not happy, or at least that's what I thought it was. The thought played over and over in my head as I lay in bed wanting sleep.

Unfulfilled? Dissatisfied? Unhappy? Spiritually immature?

And then a single word came to mind; not one particularly exciting.

Content.


Almost as soon as I heard it came a scripture:

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: (Philippians 4:11 NKJV)

Obviously this is a lesson I haven't learned. I couldn't honestly say its one I even WANT to learn.

According to Strong's Concordance, the original word for "content" in the Greek is:

αὐτάρκης (transliteration: autárkēs, phonetic spelling: ow-tar'-kace)

A further word study describes contentment as an inward satisfaction or inward sufficiency, no matter the circumstances.

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. (Philippians 4:12 NKJV)

It's so much easier to just want to be "feel" happy and do those things that promote "feeling" good. I wasn't "happy" with my relationship with God. I wasn't "happy" with my husband. I wasn't "happy" with the way my kids behaved. I wasn't "happy" with my photography business. (You get the drift)

But being content is more than just having peace and security in the happy times. My sufficiency comes from Christ. Even in my relationship with Him, HE is my source. None of my "good works" (or lack thereof) changes His nature, His sovereignty, or His power.

It was a comfort finding this exact verse assigned for my daily bible reading this morning. Seeing this verse here its as if God was waiting for me to read it, also demonstrating how true God's sufficiency is in caring for me.

So...I will work on being content while I pursue Jesus and seek His will for all these areas of my life. I might not be "happy," my emotions might not "feel good," but the promise in God's word about being content is this,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Christ is my sufficiency; my source of contentment.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 NKJV)

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